December 18th, 2008 at 2:27 am
I couldn't live like that. I would end that situation no matter what it took. YOU should be calling the shots, not that witch.
This is in response to this post:
Unwilling celibate Says:
December 18th, 2008 at 2:23 am
I've been married fourteen years, and have three girls, aged 12, 9 and 6. I haven't been allowed to even sleep in the same bed with my wife in......six years and about nine months. After she became pregnant with out third daughter, she asked me to leave the bedroom, and never invited me back. I've complained, she doesn't care. I threatened to divorce, and she countered with threats of unimaginable magnitude. I was told I would be accused of molesting our daughters.
So, here I sit at age 39 and my life is essentially over. I'm a literal prisoner, and I don't dare question my wife on any issue. I'm terrified and miserable every day.
Oh, yes, She's a very devout Baptist.
No wonder I no longer believe in a God.
Again we have only this uncorroborated testimonial from this one man, which is then taken as gospel by mancan.
Even more from mancan (and others):
December 18th, 2008 at 2:59 am
I hate to have to suggest this, but is there any way you can get some dirt on her? Has she done anything criminal that you can prove?
December 18th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Another thing: if you are going to divorce her, give her NO ADVANCE WARNING. This is important! Pretend that everything is fine, you're happy with your life as the court eunach, hire a damned good lawyer and then hit her with those papers when she least expects it.
In the legal system striking first is a huge advantage, and any false allegations she makes in retaliation will be weaker since they will look like what they are: revenge.
Still, you need to prepare for the worst, so start building a case against her NOW. Be careful not to violate any laws, however.
Bill Christen Says:
December 18th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Man, I would document every aspect of your life. I would keep a journal, and check your State Laws on recording other people. If lawful, I would record any conversations that you have with your wife, or children. If what you are saying is true, you are in a bad spot. If you are being threatened with false allegations, I would pack up and leave. First I would contact a lawyer and advise them that you could be falsly accused, and see what they say. Once again it will come down to documentation, even if you have to have your daughters examined by a Doctor for proof. Sounds like your wife needs some counselling. But cover your butt.
December 18th, 2008 at 9:16 am
12 years until your youngest is 18, Eric. 144 months left. It's a ways off, but you can see that far. Start setting cash aside somewhere your wife doesn't know about, you'll need it when you divorce her.
Rev. Richard Says:
December 18th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Eric, I would do what was suggested, take notes on everything, time, date incident etc. Without letting her in on it, also share that information with someone you trust, so those dates can be verified and won't look as if they are constructed to mislead the court.
Definitely check the laws in your state. Loss of contortion is reason for divorce in "show for cause" states. I don't know if she realizes with having your three kids, her poor behavior is teaching the children what's proper and what is not. I do believe in marriage, but I don't agree with raising kids in a unstable environment with a bad marriage as their outline to use when their in a relationship.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Do you currently work full time? Does your wife work full time? If at all possible, try to find some way to get your wife to obtain a full time job. You should also quit your job and become a stay at home dad. Cleaning and cooking for the family will be hard at first, but once you get used to it, it will not be bad at all. You just need to set a schedule for the household chores (also, play music while doing the household chores). Then, when you divorce her (or she divorces you) you will get custody of your children and she will have to pay you alimony and child support. Every day that you go to work and earn money is just another day that you dig yourself into a deeper hole.
This post is way too long but again filled with ways for men to spy on and collect information about their wives activities (or lack of). Read Here
December 18th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
just to add a few points:
Learn the rules of court, this is to protect yourself from the Lawyers who end up being your biggest enemy in the end
Take a class on how to be pro-se
If you are going to divorce start preparing, try to get the equity out of the house and hide what ever cash you can because the lawyers will look at that as a revenue stream for them.
Do not voluntarily leave
Do not pay for the GAL the State should have to pay for that
She will become the victim and she will become your worst nightmare do not feel back for her. The kids are what is most important.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
".... she asked me to leave the bedroom..."
Why was it up to you to move out of the bedroom? Why didn't she move, since it was her idea? I know the reason =- the man is the one to sleep on the couch, but until guys stop complying, it won't stop.
There had to be room for her in the garage or somewhere.
Now I will say this to "unwilling celibate: If you are indeed suffering through this and do work at the Post Office, I know they have available Employee Assistance Programs which offer counseling. I also know that you have very good health insurance through the PO. I would suggest to you that you get some form of counseling. IMO you are severely depressed by reading what you have written. You CANNOT change someone else's behavior and if she is indeed acting like this, get help for yourself.
Now to the "others" who have posted these disgusting messages. Rather than help this man you are telling him to point fingers, get that evil woman in trouble, seek out circumstances in which she was wrong, record her, spy on her and much much worse.
When I was abused and living with my ex, I sought assistance at the local shelter (counseling). I was told above all else that I needed to change ME. I learned why I did the things I did and did not point fingers at my ex. In fact I even took the high road when our divorce/custody trial came around. My lawyer told me not to go in full blazes with why he was so bad, I needed balance. I needed to show more than he was bad, that I was good. So this is what I did. I did show some blatant questionable judgements on his part, but I showed more of why I should be the primary parent. I did not "change" anything after the filing or even before the filing so I would look better to the courts for the placement of our child. Some of these posters are suggesting this very thing - change yourself - quit work, cut your hours, get her to work if she does not, and more. This is absoultely appalling. Rather than help this man through a depressive state, you are egging it along. Eric, please contact your health insurance provider and get into counseling. At the appropriate time, you can seek to have your wife join in as well, if she will. If not then you must make some choices. And I do not suggest going the low road as far as it comes to custody/divorce/child support/alimony. Take the high road even if it means you struggling because you will be the better person.
To the others giving him ideas about what to do, jump off a bridge. You are all so freaking insane, is it any wonder you have no contact with your children? I am even more appalled at Rev. Rather than see this man's state for what it truly is, he suggests the same path to travel as some of the fringe. Pretty dam sad.