February 20, 2009

PAS aka Paternal Anger Syndrome

Anonymous Guest Post:

Paternal Anger Syndrome AKA PAS (editor's note: Not PAS aka Parental Alienation Syndrome or PA aka Parental Alienation, this is just really scary, delsuional angry men)

Lets set the scene for Inevitable PAS (Paternal Anger Syndrome).

Two people marry, that's lovely. They both work and contribute to buying and setting up a house and home and pretty soon a child is on the way. He tells her he doesn't want her to work so she stays home with the child. He gives her an allowance and wants to know where she spends it every week. Now that they're on one salary, he starts getting a bit stingy especially on things for her, the house or for the child. He can't believe a pair of child's shoes could cost $20. Another child then comes along and she's too tired to care about how he treats her. She looks after the house on her own, the kids on her own and takes the kids to piano/tennis/football/swimming/dancing 4 nights a week. He still enjoys a drink with guys after work two nights a week and when he does come home, don't you know he's tired and all he wants to do is watch a bit of TV. On Saturdays he still plays golf all day and on Sundays he likes a sleep in so she has to somehow keep the kids quiet because he'll yell if they wake him up.

He's scary when he's mad but what can she do? She remains silent. He starts asking her who she talked to today and checking her speedometer on her car to see if she has driven anywhere. He checks the phone records and tell her he doesn't like her best friend so she's not allowed to go there anymore. He's never been to the school for any parent teacher interview and doesn't come to the kids events because he's tired after working all week, in fact he doesn't do anything with the kids apart from saying hello or goodnight at the end of the day. That's her job, and women's stuff to look after kids.

He squeezes her world tighter and tighter until she can't go anywhere or see anyone until she asks him first. He yells at her and shakes his fist and tells her she's fat and stupid. He makes jokes about her to his friends when she can hear him. He may or may not hit her and doesn't think she has a choice because when he wants sex, he should get it because why did he get married right? After years of this she seethes under the surface and decides to leave as soon as she can despite being afraid of him and what he will do. He's already threatened if she ever leaves him, he will never leave her alone and he'll take the kids.

She eventually summons up enough courage to leave and she does. He is outraged "How dare she!!" and "How dare she take the kids, they belong to me!!" He makes threats that she will get nothing and that he will get custody of the kids, because it's his house and they're his property. She gets scared and sees a lawyer. He demands to see the kids and he tells them that their mother is a bitch and that they are to live with him and that he is going to take her to court. They're afraid because they've seen his anger before and they know what he is capable of. He threatens to commit suicide unless he gets what he wants. The kids are afraid and they don't even really know this man who now says he will make sure they never see their mother again and how dare she tear apart a "loving" family!

He sees the kids as a tool of revenge against her. No way is he going to pay child support! It's his house and she's not going to get it!
He becomes consumed with destroying her and joins a number of men's groups who use terms like "Feminazi" and "Nastie" and "Bitch" who all share the same story. They've all been done over by these selfish bitches and "had their precious kids ripped out of their loving arms". They deny paternity of the kids because it means they won't have to contribute financially. They console themselves with each others stories and vow never to give that bitch the house/car/child support/anything. The only weapon they have against her is the kids. That's all they can touch and boy do they want to make her pay for leaving him, for humiliating him.

And so Paternal Anger Syndrome manifests itself and becomes firmly entrenched in his lifestyle and he's going to spend the rest of his life making her pay.

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