April 5, 2009

Louise Uccio - sisters in a battle - but what side?

I have been reading your blog and I see you are a mother torn in half by an abuser. I can also see no amount of pleading will get you to climb down from your PAS tree. You see I know this because I have to force my children to visit the abuser, these children come home and are terrorized by him as much if not more than I was. They are also traumatized by his new wife as well. This runs the gamut from telling old stories about me to them (mostly in an attempt to scare) or finding any excuse that can be found to get the state involved with this case. Then there are the extreme cases of attempted control and manipulation. LU, I have two prayers for you in your own case. The first is that you will see that by claiming PA/PAS you are HELPING the abusers. Women just do not suffer as a targeted parent in PAS cases. Gardner assured that this would be so.

Historically he presented PAS as a hysterical women who was claiming the father was sexually abusing the child. It has grown in recognition because there have been psychologists available (money grubbers) who will perpetuate this myth. You are not a good way to perpetuate this myth since you have very little money. Does your abuser have money? Have family who has money? These are important questions because this is generally one of the several factors of PAS abuse cases. Then if you look at what constitutes true PAS according to the abusers, women who have lost custody to abusive men are being handed down severe cases of PAS. But they cannot say anything (they are ignored) because men cannot commit PAS according to the KING of PAS.

What we have simply suggested to you LU and many others like you, is keep track of all statements made by the abuser, his family, your children, etc. These statements are abuse (mental abuse). Please do not give abusive men any more rope with which to hang more victims. By you touting PAS, by you saying this is what is happening in your case, you give an abusive man more rope with which to hang another mother.

Your children are suffering from ABUSE - and that abuse does have a name.....Maternal Deprivation. There have been studies done on this - studies which have been peer reviewed (not like Gardner's studies which were published in his vanity press). Claiming PA/PAS gives the next abusive man the ability to remove a child from his or her mother and continue to allow children to suffer as your do, as mine do, as many thousands of children suffer.

I want a better world for my children, I do not want my daughters to have to be chained to an abusive man. I want them to be able to leave if they have to do so and be able to still raise the children if there are any.

I have thought much like you - my ex badmouths me to the children, I should claim PAS. But who would that help? Might help us temporarily, but sadly these men always win in the end. Our money runs out and unless we are extreme fighters, moms and the children lose. So I blog, I empower the children to say no to abuse. I give the children the freedom to ask questions and discover on their own what is happening. I am also keeping great records for when these children come of age.

There are many groups out there available to help moms in your position. Align with those groups rather than helping the pro-abuser campaigns.


Louise Uccio said...

I will answer this blog with as much respect and patience as I can later on today.

However, to answer the simpler question as to which side my sister is on.. the answer is neither.

My sister's fight is much larger than a divorce and child custody.

Thankfully her husband is the best thing that has happened to her.

You see my sister has battled with drugs and alcohol.. she's still battling with herself, only this time ACS is involved. So her battle is one to keep her children from foster care.

If you and yours could step back for a moment. Step far back enough to see the bigger picture.

Begin doing your own homework on what kinds of personalities abuse.. and what kinds of personalities get abused.. you would be very surprised to learn that it is not only the abuser's problem.. it is also the victim's personality that is half the problem.

Once you were able to grasp that.. you would figure out that victim's/survivors come to the table with their own baggage..

So in part what I am saying is that having a sister that is fighting drugs and alcohol should come as no surprise.. but instead it should be proof that dysfunctional families suffer generation to generation until someone is in enough pain to stop the cycle.

The key is in accepting.. then digging and digging to find out why..

When or if you ever decide to do that.. you will feel this hand slap you upside your head like you just had a V8.

That hand slapping you will be your wakeup call.. it will be then, that you will realize how silly, uninformed and naive you sounded.. while you were chanting..

PAS is junk science...

I appreciate your taking time to read my blog.. and rise above our differences in opinion.. to say a prayer for me and mine.. I will do the same.. for you and yours.

Along with a word of advice.. realize that abusers come in both genders and to label the pain our children are suffering something that is gender specific.. is going back in time.. not moving forward.

I will post more on this later.. on my blog... until then.. have a great day.

Expose The Truth said...

Louise has a novel and repetitive use of descriptive violence in what she writes. Lots of slapping and hitting of the head which is bizarre. Are you sure that Louise is not a man? Oh I forgot, that might make us the enabling victims perpetuating the abuse cycle. I think some of Louise's sister's problems just might originate with her family if Louise is an example.