Why we should not lie to our children - it is not Parental Alienation (Syndrome) to tell them the truth

I promised to cover this article on its own after the last post. I will try to give it justice. Here is a link to the article in question:

http://mkg4583.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/real-protective-parents-never-call-themselves-protective-parents/.

Here is the text of the article for those who do not wish to go to the website. You can go to verify that as of 11AM CST, I have a true and correct copy of this article.

Many father’s and families rights activists hear the term protective parents used by those parents who make false allegations in court all the time.

Court Judges, Commissioners, Attorneys and Psychologists KNOW that what you say about the other parent is what you are saying about your own CHILD. Children know this intuitively. If children know you hate mom or dad, then your children know you hate them. After all, they are half the other parent. Children are not stupid, but one wonders about “Protective parents.”

It is time to set the record straight.

Real Protective Parents

1. Never make allegations against the other parent in court, and NEVER make them in the presence of their children.

2. Never refer to themselves as protective parents. It is a code word, listed below.

3. Support efforts to have Parental Alienation recognized by courts and the American Psychological Association, and never keep a child away from the other.

4. Never refer to their ex-spouse as abuser, drug addict, alcoholic, neither in court, on the Internet, and NEVER before their children.

5. Encourage the children to see the other parent, actively support the children’s involvement with the other parent.

6. Cooperate with the other parent to raise the children through co-parenting.

7. Never use a restraining order against the other parent as a sword, instead only obtain one as a shield for themselves alone.

The term protective parent is code word that non-custodial mothers groups invented after losing their children in family court action when they violated one of the basic cannons recognized by family court as be a fit parent.

Now lets take this apart point by point and see where your logic is in the mild form somewhat flawed, and in the most severe EXTREMELY dangerous to children.

1. Never make allegations against the other parent in court, and NEVER make them in the presence of their children.

If your wife was found to have sold your children into prostitution or child slavery, would you still stand by the creed - never badmouth the other parent? Would you still insist that one parent must always be positive about the other parent? I can imagine how this conversation would go. Mommy (daddy), so and so stuck (insert item here) into my private area, when child is being questioned about vaginal or rectal bleeding. If the guilty party IS the other parent what IS the non-offending mother or father supposed to say to the child? Can you please explain that one to me Godbey?

What is the non-offending parent supposed to do when the child comes home and uses racial slurs? IGNORE IT? When we see socially unacceptable behavior coming from a stranger, we educate our children as to why that behavior is inappropriate. Why should this same standard not be applied to us as parents? You have mentioned many times in your blog that I (as one of the so-called Pig Pen mothers) am not allowed contact with my child. And I have informed you that is the furthest thing from the truth. And as a CUSTODIAL mother, I tell my child when I have made bad decisions. When I make mistakes, I try to show these mistakes to my children in the hopes they will not have to repeat those same mistakes. It does not always work because everyone must make their own mistakes.

But when you are discussing safety issues for children and the perpetrator of the violence against a child IS a parent, the worst thing the other parent can do is keep silent about the abuse. I am not suggesting the protective parent (covered here should go out of their way to bad mouth the other parent, but when abuse is uncovered, the non-offending parent has a duty to the child to explain how this was not appropriate on the part of the perpetrator.

2. Never refer to themselves as protective parents. It is a code word, listed below.

I am unclear as to why this is a code word and why you are allowed to claim to be a protective parent? Why is the term "protective parent only viewed as bad when it is a mother who is claiming this?

3. Support efforts to have Parental Alienation recognized by courts and the American Psychological Association, and never keep a child away from the other.

This is covered all over the Internet so I will not go into this here. Suffice it to say, the best articles I have discovered to date on this issue are located at www.randijames.com and www.rightsformothers.com.

4. Never refer to their ex-spouse as abuser, drug addict, alcoholic, neither in court, on the Internet, and NEVER before their children.

Tell me again why we should not tell our children if the other parent is engaging in reckless behavior (such as abuse, addictions, excessive uncontollable drinking). I missed the "WHY's" of your reasoning behind this particular rule of rearing children. If one parent is diagnosed as an alcoholic, should we not try to help our chidlren so they may possibly avoid this same path? A "PROTECTIVE MOTHER" with whom I speak on a regular basis is an alcoholic. She however has quit drinking. She has learned that her children have an extremely high risk of engaging in the same behavior, whether she abstains or not, as it has been determined to be partially linked to genetics (studies here. Are you telling me that as children grow and evelop, we should not inform them of any medical issues which could imapct their life? My alcoholic friend has already started with her child, as both her and her ex-spouse have problems with alcohol (the mothers issues are in remission at this point, the father's sadly not so).

5. Encourage the children to see the other parent, actively support the children’s involvement with the other parent.

Is this an all the time kind of thing, whether the other parent is safe for the child or not? To whom should a non-offending parent turn in cases of severe abuse (or even not so sever albeit chronic abuse)? This just sounds like another victim waiting to happen to me.

6. Cooperate with the other parent to raise the children through co-parenting.

Again the same argument from above can be applied to this "requirement". This is just another way to say that (especially in cases like your and some of the other father's rights activists), a mother (custodial parent) MUST do what the non-custodial parent (father) says - OR ELSE. Or else - what?

7. Never use a restraining order against the other parent as a sword, instead only obtain one as a shield for themselves alone.

I do believe we are getting to the crux of this matter. Godbey is upset over the numerous RO's his exwife has had to obtain due to his behaviors, which his exwife allegedly feels are harmful to the children. Are we as parents not to try to protect our children whenever possible? I realize that children must make mistakes in order to grow. When do we as good parents draw the line between growth and downright harmful behaviors? When do we say - enough is enough? Apparently in the eyes of this blogger, if the person who is abusive is a NCP(father), it should be NEVER.



The term protective parent is code word that non-custodial mothers groups invented after losing their children in family court action when they violated one of the basic cannons recognized by family court as be a fit parent.

Now we are onto to something here. Godbey again ASS U MEs that the active protective parents who blog about protecting chidlren, who share about children's rights being more important than those of mothers or of fathers, are in some sort of conspiracy and we are so evil that the courts have removed our children from us. Not that I have anything to prove to you, but I AM a custodial mother, my ex is a 14%er as some are so fond of calling themselves. There is still abuse occurring, however this abuse is not illegal. Until our child can stand on alone, I will continue to tell which choices of mine AND those of the ex-husband are appropriate and right and which are inappropriate and wrong. I will also inform the child of those choices which are abuse.

Your little list is nothing more than another tool for abusers to use in order to silence the victim. But of course this is the main goal of the father's rights movement. They may preach equality for all except those who abuse, but in their eyes, any mother who dares stand on her own is a bad mother.

Sounds pretty dam sexist if you ask me, Godbey.